Friday, March 21, 2014

Slice of Life - The One Where I Get Personal

Slice of Life is hosted by Two Writing Teachers on Tuesdays.  For the month of March, I am participating in the March Challenge by posting a slice daily.

In reading the various slice posts, I am always struck by the diversity of this writing community. I am also struck by how I feel like I have gotten to really know certain individuals by what they have shared. My blog is typically the place where I share about books, and authors, and book related news and activities.  I limit how much personal stuff that I comfortably share. However, I am going to stretch myself with a slice that is a bit more personal.  Let's see if I actually hit "publish".

Several months ago, I hit a milestone birthday. Turning 50 was hard. It brought up a lot of issues for me. It has made me re-evaluate where I am in my personal and professional life. When I was in my twenties, I thought by the time I reached 50, I would be married, have a house, children, and be where I wanted to be in my career. Yes, the great American Dream.  Alas, I am single, no kids, I rent (my choice), and I am in an evaluation place with my career.  

Ruth Ayres shared one of her 40 Stories for Lent.  This one was called "Tiny Faith is Enough".  I have appreciated many of her very personal stories. Several have spoken more deeply to me than others.  But after reading her post, I still wonder.  It is much easier to have faith and hope, even a tiny bit, when things go the way you think they should.  Trust me when I say that God and I have gone the distance. Some days, weeks, months, God and I don't talk. It's too painful. It just ends in my tears and God's silence. 

Friends say God has a different plan. Frankly, I didn't and still don't want Plan B, C or D. Unfortunately, my Plan A will never be realized.  Consequently, my stubbornness and refusal to see or accept an alternate plan has resulted in Plan Holding Pattern. Not a pleasant place to be. And I am pretty confident that Plan Holding Pattern is not God's plan for me.

While I re-evaluate where my life is going, and to find even a tiny amount of faith to accept God's plan as an even better plan, I am thankful for much that I do have. I am thankful for friends who have acted as family and community for me over the years. They are precious. I am also thankful for how they have loaned me their children.  Though it may not have filled the void of not having my own, it has eased it at times. And I am thankful for much of my career and the way that I have been able to touch the lives of so many children and families and teachers.

Now, off to discover what Operation Tiny Faith will bring.